weekend writing exercise

Made-Up Job Offer

This week’s writing exercise was to write a made-up job offer for a job that does not exist. If there really are any ducks who are scared of water, then I can only hope soprano singing does soothe them, though sadly my own singing voice is contralto, so Florence The Duck would not be soothed.

Dear Christy,

I am delighted to inform you that your application for the role of Receptionist at the Duck Sanctuary has been successful.

May I take this opportunity to say how impressed we all were with your ability with the ducks, especially Florence, who, of course, is scared of water.

Though your role will be based mainly at the front desk and you will see very little of the ducks themselves, you will of course have to walk past them everyday so your ability with them was significant in our offering you the role.

We have just one question to ask, can you sing soprano? We only ask as we know this soothes Florence when she must be washed.

We hope you will accept this offer and we look forward to discussing the role with you further if you so wish.

Yours sincerely,

The Duck Sanctuary

weekend writing exercise

Made-up Horoscopes

In an attempt to get used to writing fiction again, I have started giving myself writing exercises each week. Here is the first one: Completely made-up horoscopes that I did no research for whatsoever (minus looking up star signs I didn’t already know).
I take no responsibility for the accuracy or inaccuracy of anything I have written here.

Aries
That isn’t your lunch. Put it back Libra. Wait you’re Aries? Oh you can eat it then.

Taurus
I wouldn’t think too much about what happened Taurus. You’ll just find plot holes.

Gemini
Aries will eat your lunch today.

Cancer
You should blame them. It is their fault.

Leo
You have only yourself to blame Leo. Cancer agrees.

Virgo
Is it sunny today? No? Oh…well then, carry on.

Libra
Do not eat that Libra, it’s for Aries.

Scorpio
What was with all those plot holes Scorpio?

Sagittarius
Remember Sagittarius, Remember.

Capricorn
Is it sunny today? No? Well then go on out and achieve those dreams Capricorn!

Aquarius
It is time Aquarius, you must…clean your kitchen and good things will come after.

Pisces
Mercury is in retrograde, so you should not leave bed today. Stay in bed and eat crisps. That is where the good things are.